Release Date: February 24, 2012 

Man, have we all seen this film before! No. I’m serious. If you have seen at least five films, then you have seen Gone before.

So this week I re-watched the old tail of a person (Amanda Seyfried this time) with a “troubled past” get caught up in the same danger/mischief (danger this time) only to not get any help from authorities, so the person takes matters into their own hands, to save themselves/the day/pretty girl (pretty girl this time.)

Gone is directed by Heitor Dhalia who has directed a bunch of stuff you’ve never seen. Which is fitting because this time he’s directed every film ever made. Allison Burnett gets the cred’ for writing this thrilling 94 minutes of not Underworld: Awakening.

This flick opens with what I felt to be 23 minutes of “girl acting like the actress who does Bella Twilight” while walking through woods then driving. Finally we get the idea that this chick (Amanda Seyfried) has been through some heavy stuff, as she has the most fake (poorly acted) conversation with her sister about something openly but vaguely bad. This all leads into he sister being abducted by a man she believes previously did the same to her. The coppers don’t want to believe her story as there was no proof to her abduction last time so she takes matters into her own hands with a pistol and a “go get’em” attitude.

What Worked:

– The darkness in this film. It was pretty dark but just light enough that I was trying to look deeper into the image as you sometimes get in these “suspense-thrillers.”

– I like the fact that they through in a mini-swerve involving one of the detectives. Unfortunately, I know not many people will catch the swerve and it will serve absolutely nothing in the end.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK:

– The Music. Yeah I’m gonna harp on that again. So many times, does a filmmaker let the music dictate tone and suspense in a film to make up for it not being there in the image. Tisk Tisk Mister Dhalia, maker of Brazilian films! Cha-cha!

– The Pacing. It’s kind of connected to the music, but I will extrapolate more. This film takes a while to pick up steam. I really feel as if two different people edited this flick. The first 30 minutes feel like I was watching Maury stretching time before revealing who the father of the Asianmexicanafricanalbino baby is. And the other half is edited by a guy who at least has graduated from film school.

– The acting. Don’t get me wrong. I am HUGE fan of Seyfried. This IS HER FLICK. But I don’t think she has the thespian-chops to be a leading lady. I mean lest we forget Red Riding Hood.

– The Climatic fight scene. I know I know, She’s a girl. But I believe in a world where any girl can kick anyone’s ass. But this really felt like that time where you had too much to drink and that cute girl let you go to town and it went a little too long and in the end we could here a pin drop, if you know what I mean.

The Lowdown:

You’ve seen this film before. However, this isn’t like the latest trend of rebooting a film franchise, or remaking The Thing again. This is just the same story that has been told for over a million years. Is this normally a bad thing? No. But it is in the case of Gone. Combine that with the fact that it isn’t really good and you don’t have any reason to go out of your way to see it at the cinema. If you’re an Amanda Seyfried fan, then just wait for it to be out on Netflix. You won’t notice you paid for it because it’s a monthly billing thingy.

Gone belongs in…

THE TOILET