The Expendables 2

Release date: August 17, 2012 

Back for war.

Over the hill action stars and guns and booms and one-liners make Tony a happy man.

You want a good time? You want explosions? You want enough botox to kill three elephants and Joan Rivers!? You got it with The Expendables 2!

Most of the cast from the first flick is back. Noted exception being The Wrestler: Mickey Rourke. The rundown goes: Sly StalloneJason StathamJet LiDolph LundgrenTerry CrewsRandy CoutureLiam HemsworthBruce WillisArnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claude Van Damme and… CHUCK F*CKING NORRIS.

Now if Chuck Norris isn’t enough to sell you on this flick, stay home. Never leave. Grow out your fingernails and pee in mason jars, because you no longer have the right to see the sunlight. Because you’re a jerk-face. yeah you read me right. JERK-FACE.

Back to the action. And believe you me, there’s action in this one. So the Scooby gang is back  to their old tricks of getting dirty with the government just doesn’t want to. However, this time they might have gotten in over their heads when trying to secure a tiny computer with the location of a billion pounds of plutonium. In steps Jean-Claude Van Damme as Vilain, who has won my Stabilo-Award-For-The-Most-Obvious-Bad-Guy-Name-In-Film-History. Sorry Richard Dawson, Killian has been dethroned. Vilian has some villainous (editor’s note: hahahohohihihaha) plans for the plutonium. Now The Expendables must avenge one of their own and kick bad guy ass while saving local villages in the process.

WHAT WORKED:

– The action. Need I say more? It was direct and to the point. Jet Li has a solo scene in the opener that totally rocked my socks. All the action is crisp and clear. Everything was flying everywhere but you always knew who was throwing the punches, or kicking the heads, or slashing the knives, or shooting the ridiculously large guns and even driving the Smart.

– Chuck Norris. He played it exactly how pop-culture loves him. In and out quickly enough to not realize that he cannot act. He comes in with a couple good jokes and just as you wipe the tears from your eyes, he already gone.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK:

– The acting. Is that surprising at all? No. Why in the blue-hell would you ever assume there was going to be good acting in this flick? It was meant for one-liners for people to remember past films of these guys and ass kicking. Sometimes, I feel Stallone and his writing compatriot Richard Wenk forgot that. Stallone eventually goes on to describe the meaning and theme of the film. Seriously. He does this in the second act. However, I’d like to point out that at one point you have Arnold and Willis riffing of off each others catchphrases which had me in stitches because it was so bad, that it was good.

THE LOWDOWN:

– Suspend your disbelief. Let yourself enjoy the awesomeness and ridiculousness that is The Expendables 2. It’s a wild ride filled with guns, explosions, and bad acting; everything we loved about 80’s action flicks. Sure there are plot holes and bad acting, but all you’re missing is cocaine and it is a wormhole to the 80’s. If your goal is to have a good stupid time, this is your flick. But if you’re looking for something meaningful or intelligent: run for the hills. Because if you can see Chuck Norris, you’re okay. But if you don’t see Chuck Norris, then you’re mere moments away from death. The Expendables 2 is Verified Awesome!

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