Release Date: March 30, 2012 

Girl “effin” power!

Mirror Mirror almost put Spice World and Disney’s Tangled to a collective cinematic women empowering shame!

Let me start things off by saying, this isn’t going to be movie of the year. It won’t even be movie of the week for me. But this is a good time. Kinda like Pringles or Pogs before your hand got too big for the tube or the late 90’s hit.

Directed by Tarsem Singh, Mirror Mirror stars Julia “Badass” Roberts, Lily “My Daddy Is A Musician” Collens and Arnie “Not Really A Twin” Hammer. This flick is another retelling of the Brothers Grimm story “Snow White.”

This flick starts off in a typical fairytale manner: Evil stepmom, dead dad, locked up, yadda yadda yadda. But quickly shows itself to be the new millennium telling of a fairytale and our damsel in distress ain’t really helpless, as she’s feisty! Any who, Snow, as she’s referred to as in the film gets sent to be eaten by the monster in the woods after her Stepmom, the queen sees her “acting out.” Throw in a loveable spineless assistant and Snow escapes with her life. She later teams up with the awesome 7, (Editor’s Note: Yeah I’m calling them the dwarves awesome because that’s what they are. Deal with it.) to take down the queen, save the kingdom and win over Prince Charming.

What Worked:

– Julia Roberts! Damn this broad has evil spewing out of everywhere! I loved hating her so much that I was cheering her on as the film progressed. She was the narrator and it was splendid. It really let the viewer have more hating time as it advanced the plot.

– The opening animation. I don’t know how to describe it other than the figures are like super shiny porcelain that just makes you trip “balls.”

– The Dwarves! Those LP were totally used well. I read some other guy’s review where he said they came off as “bad” because they used stilts. THEY’RE CRAFTY! In this rendition of “Snow White,” they’re thieves with attitude instead of diamond minors. There are a couple of faces you’ll likely remember if you’ve watched TV in the last 20 years.

– The pacing of this flick. Clocking in at 106 minutes, it isn’t too long nor too short. No time to get bored yet you aren’t rushed either, with the one exception of a musical montage while Snow is training.

What Didn’t Work:

– Lily Collins’ eyebrows! I’m not normally a stickler for looks. Especially hair. Look at me. But as for her eyebrows; anyone remember WWFE Pro-Wrestler Maven? At least just in those steel beams on her forehead Collins has more facial expressions than the next Snow White.

– The chemistry between Collins and Hammer. Can you say toothpaste & orange juice? These guys had about as much chemistry on screen as Matt Mira having abs. (Editor’s Note: I really do like Matt Mira.)

The Lowdown:

This isn’t a bad flick. This isn’t When Harry Met Sally either. But what it is, is a great date movie. Nothing to taxing on the brain, so that blond girl you picked up at the bar last week won’t always be asking you questions. I liken it to Pizza. It isn’t great for you. But damn it tastes good while you’re chumping down. However, for those who are lactose intolerant; much like pizza this film is very cheesy.

You got yourself a date? Go see Mirror Mirror. It passes inspection.